Desire as the opposite of insanity
Having been so close to psychosis a few times by now, and traumatic grief being the root of my mind caving in…
I've learnt how desire can anchor the mind; keep you stable and together.
Perhaps desire comes first not love as the most stabilising feeling for those of us like me. I almost died at birth and my mum too, our connection never easy, growing up in domestic abuse, teachers abusing me too, a "post conflict" society in which no man who desired me didn't treat me kindly until 25 and in London that occured.
Romantic love is not imaginable.
Desire is more grey and dark and intense.
You can let it run through you easier, and let it save you. And it can lead to love...a small part of you can hope in the hidden corners of your heart that perhaps eventually, desire can fully save you. And perhaps save and stabilise another too.
If you wanna die then do it you don't need my permission
You've such an iffy ambition it's got the better of you
If you really want to go then I don't think you should stay here
It's been a pleasure to lay here next to you
But death don't turn me on like it used to
No, 'cause death don't turn me on like it used to
While living was a burden I put myself in the hospital
Every sunny day is just diabolical
And I dream about the touch of someone like you
If the feeling's really that strong then lay in your own misery
I want to keep you company
That will scare the life right outta you
https://open.spotify.com/track/7lbKcCColYa1uQXCjM72Gq?si=O1MpzzwiRA6slPAiLEHctQ